How Dare They!
by Queen Ghidorah
Summary: Shao Kahn never liked fanfiction to begin with. For one thing, it had a bad habit of showing him and his associates in the most unflattering of roles. Still, he never raised much of a fuss about it…until he found out exactly what "yaoi" meant. ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I, Queen Ghidorah, don't own anything but this computer, this brain, and myself...unfortunately.**

**Chapter One**

"This is an outrage! An abomination! I want heads _rolling_ for this!"

Shao Kahn, Emperor of Outworld, slammed a meaty fist onto his stone desk, eyes glaring at his cringing subjects from behind his skull helmet. Every one of the five minions that occupied the spacious (or what had seemed spacious just a while ago) conference room tried to keep their eyes on the Emperor and away from the newly formed crack in the granite desk. It was no easy feat, for Shao Kahn was fairly radiating death as it was. One wrong move, one mistake, and it would be their own cranium lopped from their shoulders. Fully aware of this, they all remained silent, waiting for their master to run out of air before they dared to speak. Judging by his violent gesticulations, he had barely begun to warm up.

"I worked so _hard_ to secure my position; to be sure that I was invulnerable on all sides, protected from every threat - !"

A quiet hissing noise, like that of an agitated snake, managed to be heard above Kahn's booming voice. The Emperor ceased talking at once, eye twitching at this interruption, and whirled on the culprit. There was only one of his lackey's capable of that sound...

"Reptile! How _dare_ you interfere in my rant?"

The military-attired Raptor stood to attention as his name was called, forked tongue flickering rapidly in anxiety.

"Forgive me, Massster! I did not mean to be heard," he said meekly.

"Whether you meant to or not is no longer of consequence, is it? But, go on then. Let us hear what is so important as to come before myself."

Reptile fidgeted, his long tail twitching nervously, as he tried to collect his thoughts. One slip-up...

"It isss only... do I not protect my massster well?"

At that, the Zatteran's colleagues wordlessly shuffled away from him, leaving him singled out against the wall. An easy target. Noticing this, Reptile squared his shoulders and lifted his head higher. If he was to be killed right then and there for his injured pride, it would not be without dignity. Shao Kahn, however, made no move towards his bodyguard. Rather, he waved his hand in the air dismissively.

"From _physical_ assaults, you do your rank justice. This attack, however, is something that even _you_ could not sneak up on."

Shao Kahn visibly shuddered as he was reminded of the whole reason for this rapidly assembled conference. Though Heaven knew he would far rather keep the humiliation to himself, Kahn understood that to permit the offense to continue existing would only be inviting similar insults to be created. That simply could not be allowed to happen! It wouldn't! Reptile, Rain, Mileena, Ermac, and Baraka were the most successful of his troops; they would put a stop to it! Unfortunately, this meant they had to be told exactly what "it" was. Another tremor slithered along the Emperor's spine, causing his five underlings to glance at each other in askance. Whatever it was that was plaguing their leader, it had to be unusually bad. Taking a moment to be sure her mask well hid her face, a motion that had long ago become automatic, Mileena stepped forward.

"Tell us what the situation is, Father, and we shall eliminate it!"

Her passionate promise was quickly supported by her fellow warriors, much to Shao Kahn's approval. For a mere clone, the pink clad assassin was turning out to be a true asset to her "father's" militia, unlike the Edenian princess from which the majority of her DNA had originated. Kitana, Kahn's former stepdaughter, had betrayed Outworld years ago and joined forces with his most resilient enemy: Earthrealm. They, however, had nothing to do with this newest threat, something for which Kahn was most grateful. The last thing he needed was for those obnoxious mortals to come into contact with the damaging lies being spread about him.

As way of response to Mileena, Kahn pointed to an odd box sitting on his desk. His henchmen had noticed it before, but had never questioned its presence. At least, not out-loud. Their master's business was their master's business, after all, and they were expected to stay out of it. Period. Now that the opportunity to finally get a good look at the off-white contraption had presented itself, the five of them wasted no time in rushing towards it. Shao Kahn, seeing their stampede, quickly threw out an arm to stop them.

"Caution!"

Baraka, as the one in the lead, was forced to awkwardly slam on the breaks to keep from colliding with his master. The Tarkatan's body effectively acted as a buffer against those behind him who had not been able to halt in time.

"Is this object dangerous, Master?" Baraka questioned once everyone had peeled themselves off of his back.

The idea that the innocent device sitting so calmly on Shao Kahn's desk could possibly be hazardous had never occurred to them. If it was a threat, why would he have kept it? Then again, what did the Emperor possess that _wasn't_ deadly? Even his wardrobe was riddled in spikes. Apparently, this bizarre box was an exception, as evidenced by the way Kahn shook his horned head.

"No, but it is fragile."

Fragile? Baraka frowned upon hearing this and, slowly, backed away to stand against the far wall. He was not especially good around "fragile" and was not prepared to risk himself trying to be. The remaining four warriors went along without him, keeping in mind that the box was now to be considered precious. Once within a foot of it, they stopped and turned back towards Kahn for directions. He impatiently motioned for them to continue.

"Go on, look at the words written upon the screen. But be warned! If I so much as hear _one_ snicker out of _any_ of you, or see the _tiniest_ of smirks, so help me I will gut you _all_!"

The four soldiers looked at each other momentarily before both Mileena and Rain moved to stand beside Baraka. Obviously, whatever they were about to see involved some sort of parody at Shao Kahn's expense and they, with their twisted senses of humor, did not trust themselves to remain impassive. As the only two left, Ermac and Reptile braced themselves and moved to stand to the front of the mystery machine's "screen." From this position, they could see that, along with its bulky body, the box also possessed a flat board with a few numbers and letters placed seemingly at random upon it, as well as a separate trinket sitting on a soft pad with a long cord trailing from the back of it. Tentatively, Reptile reached out a single talon and made as if to tap one of the letters on the board. When he received no reprimand for his actions, he went ahead and pushed it. Except for a nice "clack" noise, nothing happened. As the Raptor's tongue eagerly tasted the air to try and locate some sort of change, Ermac leaned forward and tapped the letter "E." Again, only the "clack" sound proved that he had done anything. The red garbed ninja nodded at Reptile, the two satisfied with what they had accomplished. A sudden impatient clearing of the throat coming from the direction of Shao Kahn had them snapping to attention.

"Leave the keyboard be, fools! Get on with your task."

As Ermac and Reptile hurriedly began to read the writing on the screen, Shao Kahn sat himself on the corner of his desk to wait, rubbing his temples tiredly. Recognizing a que when she saw one, Mileena silently strode to stand behind her paternal figure and began to massage his broad shoulders. The Emperor sighed in pleasure and leaned his head forward, giving his "daughter's" powerful hands better access to the kinks in his neck.

"Your tension level is dangerously high, Father."

Shao Kahn snorted derisively.

"You are not telling me anything new, Mileena."

These past few years had been Outworld's worst and, as the undisputed king, Shao Kahn was the one upon whom all the frustrations fell. The fact that he had come so very close to conquering his neighboring realms completely, only to have his carefully laid out plans turn to ashes, worked to add insult to injury. It hadn't started out that way. When Shao Kahn had first begun his self-appointed task of merging all the worlds beneath the banner of Outworld, he had met nothing but triumph. His method was bullet-proof. Twisting the ancient tournament of Mortal Kombat to his own gain, Shao Kahn was defeating territory after territory with the fate of his opponent's realm at stake. Of course, the Emperor himself never had to fight. He had a champion for that and Prince Goro of the Shokan race was nearly indestructible. After tucking yet another vanquished world under his belt, Shao Kahn and his minions had moved on to their next objective, and this was where things started to go wrong. Initially, Earthrealm was faring little better than its fellows had against Outworld. Only the fact that ten consecutive victories were required in order to claim rulership over the realm of Earth was what kept the land free. If things had continued as they were, with Goro already obtaining nine wins, Earthrealm would have been doomed. Sadly for Kahn, it hadn't been meant to be. A Shaolin monk by the name of Lui Kang joined the tournament in the defense of Earth and took home the championship. In that one act, he dashed Shao Kahn's plans. The Emperor was not one to go down quietly and had made other attempts at domination, even resurrecting his dead queen, but to no avail. Ultimately, he failed. And now? Now smut the likes of which were currently on the computer screen was circulating, bashing his supreme pride even more. The nerve! The utter effrontery!

"Massster?"

Reptile's hissing voice cut into Kahn's thoughts and brought him back to the present. Curtly brushing Mileena aside, the Emperor stood and faced the Raptor. A quick glance proved that the Zatteran was just as disturbed by what he had read as his master was. Ermac, too, was still gaping at the glowing computer screen. Shao Kahn gestured with his head for Reptile to speak. The creature chose his words carefully.

"Provide usss with the whereaboutsss of thisss impudent writer, and he shall sssuffer unlike any other."

This assurance was accompanied by droplets of acid secreted from the glands between his teeth, and Reptile was quick to lick them up, lest they burn holes into the already scarred floor. Ermac, meanwhile, had barely managed to get his mouth to shut.

"We were unaware things of this nature even existed! Where is this perpetrator, Master?"

Shao Kahn rubbed his eyes through the sockets of his helmet.

"That is the whole reason I have brought you five here! I have had no luck in locating him, myself, though it was not from lack of trying. This modern brand of sorcery called the 'Internet' is not wont to disclose the whereabouts of its conjurors so easily. Bearing this in mind, I give you all complete access to this computer, as well as a week with which to complete your search. Once you find the mortal, return home with him and be sure he still lives. I have no care for his condition, per se, so long as he is still capable of feeling. It would be best if he still possessed his limbs, as well. Understand?"

The tone of voice in which the Emperor asked if they understood left them with no other reply but "Yes, Master." The powerful ruler nodded his head brusquely before turning around and quickly striding from the room. It was obvious he did not wish to remain there any longer than he had to. His subordinates listened carefully to his footsteps dying away before Rain, Mileena, and Baraka turned towards Reptile and Ermac.

"Well? What is Kahn so upset about?"

Reptile's tongue flickered at Rain, tasting his curiosity.

"It wasss...wasss...horrible!"

Rain nodded eagerly.

"So I can tell! What was it?"

Reptile turned to Ermac, his yellow eyes distressed. Ermac nodded in understanding.

"We will tell you. There is some sick fool out there in the world who is writing romance stories about the Emperor."

Mileena and Baraka recoiled as if struck, Reptile's tongue snapping back into his mouth and remaining there. Rain looked disappointed.

"Is that all?"

Ermac shook his head.

"If only. These stories. They... do not pair him with a woman."

Rain's eyes widened.

"If not a woman, then what?"

Mileena snarled throatily.

"Come off it, Rain! You know very well what it would be if not a woman."

The purple attired ninja snickered, eliciting identical growls from his companions.

"What? You cannot deny that it is funny!"

Baraka spat in disgust.

"It is _not_ funny! It is an atrocious crime! Whoever did this can expect to spend the rest of his days in torment!"

Mileena nodded.

"The rest of his days and beyond, if I have anything to say about it."

Rain shrugged.

"I agree he should burn, but it is still funny."

Reptile grimaced, looking slightly nauseated.

"Ugh, _you_ did not have to read that garbage."

For the second time that day, his colleagues stepped away from him but, this time, it was to be sure they were not in his line of fire. The Raptor's vomit was powerfully corrosive. Reptile's stomach was much stronger than that, however, and he held his insides.

"I'll be fine."

Rain was not paying attention, his eyes having traveled past the squamous Zatteran and to the machine Shao Kahn had branded a 'computer'. Beneath his violet mask, a lewd grin was spreading. He clapped his hands together.

"Well! We may as well get started on that search. Kahn only gave us a week and I, for one, do not wish to see what happens if we do not deliver by then."


	2. Chapter 2

**QueenGhid:** Wow, thank you everyone for such nice reviews! It gives me a nice feeling to know that others enjoy what I produce. I have an idea of what is going to happen later, so here's hoping that this chapter does not disappoint! Oh, and, yes, I am a die-hard Godzilla fan! Ghidorah forever!

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**Chapter Two**

Outworld could best be described as a realm existing in the past. While worlds such as Earthrealm had spent the last millennia perfecting their understanding of technology and all that it could offer them, the Emperor had been busy occupying new territories, leaving precious little time for studying engineering or anything more complex than a catapult. Not surprisingly, this left the realm lagging far behind its competitors in the way of appliances and mechanical know-how. In the wicked wasteland's defense, however, it at least had a firm grasp of magic and that, in itself, was a formidable weapon.

Unfortunately for it, the quintet of warriors currently surrounding the most advanced piece of technology seen in ages (barring the cyborgs from Earth, of course) were incapable of producing anything more amazing than a simple power projectile. Even if they _could_ conjure something more advanced than a blast of Hado-Energy, it wouldn't much help them in figuring out how to operate the alien device left in their care in under seven days. Shao Kahn was not exactly known for great patience and most likely meant for the smut writer to be writhing in his dungeons by the end of the week, rather than for him to simply be located by then. Seeing as how his five chosen soldiers were completely awed by the way the "roller-thing" controlled the actions of the small arrow on the computer screen, progress was not looking very good. This was made doubly so by the fact that their master, in his haste to leave the embarrassing situation behind him, had forgotten to mention one very important detail:

"So -- how exactly does this 'compuder' thing work?"

Rain's tone of voice bespoke the frustration of all five minions. It had been over three hours since Shao Kahn had left them to their mission, his anger still lingering palpably in the air, and they had accomplished nothing besides having figured out who would get the stone chair behind the big desk. As victor, Rain had taken charge of the machine's accessories and was currently shaking the mouse about violently, trying to force it to do anything other than click like mad.

"Really, it seems a useless thing to me," he growled.

Reptile followed the frantic motions of the cursor on the screen with his eyes, elliptical pupils alternating between dilating and contracting, and rumbled deep in his chest in thought. By the Matriarch, how _did_ the thing work? The buttons only made noises like trampled gravel when pressed and the roller-thing, while kind of fun, did little else.

"What it ssseemsss and what it isss are two different thingsss," he replied unhelpfully. "Who isss to sssay what thisss contraption isss actually capable of? None of usss here are familiar with sssuch thingsss."

Baraka paced back and forth across the room like a caged lion, not in the least liking to be kept cooped up indoors for any longer than a few minutes. His patience already strained by this imprisonment, the fact that he felt Reptile's lisp to be extremely annoying did not help matters.

"Argh, then why did the Master entrust this to us at all?" the Tarkata complained. "We are not suited to the task! We are his muscle; his assassins. We do not concern ourselves with useless toys such as this. It should be the burden of Shang Tsung and Shang Tsung alone! Is that not what he is here for?"

Ermac considered this from his position on the desk corner, one glove removed so he could curiously finger the texture of the mousepad next to him.

"No, We do not think the sorcerer comprehends this sort of magic any better than we do. Besides, he has not proven to be reliable for some time and, in this case, loyalty makes all the difference. We believe Shao Kahn chose us for our passion against this perpetrator. He understands that nothing can stand in the way of passion. It is simply strategic."

Rain snickered suddenly, setting the mouse down carefully for fear of breaking it.

"'Nothing can stand in the way of passion'?" he grinned. "That sounds rather like a line from the story, Ermac."

The few visible areas of the telepathic ninja's otherwise disguised face turned as bright as his red suit at this, the only sign that he'd been upset by Rain's comment at all.

"We'll thank you not to remind Us of that filth, Rain, for while you obviously enjoyed it, it held no pleasure for Us."

Rain stiffened at this inference, abandoning his coveted seat in order to stand to his full height.

"_If_ I did enjoy it," he spat, "it was only because of what it implied about Kahn. That's all!"

Baraka cackled, momentarily forgetting how the walls seemed to be closing in on him, and relished the conflict.

"I have long wondered after your decision to wear purple. Now it is all too clear!"

Rain turned on him next.

"It is a _royal_ color!"

This heated response gave Ermac a reason to smile briefly, the rare gesture unseen behind his mask.

"Of what?" he asked in what could be taken as a sly tone. "Edenia?"

The palace tower in which the conference room was located was one of the tallest for added security against eavesdroppers, and the perpetually moody Outworld sky was clearly visible to its occupants through its single, narrow window. As Rain began to seethe in anger, the dusky sky darkened along with him and aggravated lances of lightning could be seen skittering above the stratosphere.

A nerve had been touched.

Although the ominous atmosphere had both Baraka and Mileena inherently becoming uneasy, Reptile's flickering tongue was the first to detect it as a change in the weather, even before the crash of thunder announced it, and he quickly whipped about to face the furious ninja.

"Calm yourssself, Rain! We are wasssting preciousss time with thessse petty arguementsss. Ressst assured that, jussst asss we are csssertain asss to the Massster'sss affinity, ssso are were confident asss to where you ssstand."

There was a brief moment of consideration following these words before the murky sky began to gradually lighten and the wind to die down, the occasional twitch of lightning remaining as the only evidence that Rain's volatile temper was not yet fully dispelled. For now, he was only mollified. Regardless, Reptile gave an internal sigh of relief, thankful that the bright bolts, their creator's anger leaving them rampant, had not had the chance to target their tower as the perfect place to leap off of.

"That'sss better." He paused. "_Wasss_ purple the color of Edenia?"

Opportunistic as ever, Mileena had been the one quickest to realize that Rain had abandoned his seat, and had immediantly pounced it. Legs draped comfortably over one of its arms, she rolled her eyes at the mentioning of Edenia and turned to glare at the Raptor just as an agitated clap of thunder once again found its voice.

"Enough! What does it matter if Rain wears purple? It is not so horrible a color as you all make it out to be; it certainly served _me_ well in the past."

Ermac carefully adjusted the black leather straps of his mask, tightening those which had begun to droop, and replaced his discarded glove.

"Then why have you forsaken it in favor of pink?" he inquired casually.

Mileena grinned, her disfiguring fangs faintly outlined through her gauzy veil.

"Who would ever suspect pink?"

Baraka was the only one who nodded knowingly with her reasoning, Ermac simply shaking his head and Rain letting loose an indecipherable grunt as he resignedly sat himself on the edge of the protruding window-sill. Reptile shrugged one shoulder with a low hiss, his attention back on the computer.

"I merely asssk to be csssertain; you two are not the only onesss to have worn the color before, and I did not wish my passst actionsss to ssseem...hypocritical."

"So hypocrisy is where you draw the line?" Mileena smirked.

Reptile pretended not to hear her.

"In any cassse, the female _isss_ right about one thing, and that isss how little it mattersss what Rain doesss. That sssaid, I am now willing to sssimply drop the matter and return to our tasssk." His yellow eyes rested pointedly on Mileena. "Why don't you asssk the machine where our target isss located?"

The assassin cocked her head to the side in the manner of a confused animal and stared at the Raptor.

"You believe it would understand me?"

"There isss but one way to find out."

Mileena nodded, uncrossing her legs and leaning forward in her seat to better enable the computer to hear her. The tensions of two minutes ago vanished beneath this new curiosity, and the others eagerly pressed around her for a better look. Feeling important as the center of attention, Mileena cleared her throat raspily and spoke.

"Machine! I _order_ you to give to me the whereabouts of the author of the disgusting story, 'Carnal Kombat'."

After an expectant moment passed in silence, she rumbled angrily.

"Heed me, Machine! I do not like to repeat myself!"

It uttered not a sound. Just when the insulted Mileena seemed about ready to rip her mask aside and lunge for the computer's throat, she was instead sent leaping backwards in surprise as the screen suddenly went completely black. Now perched on the chair's high back, she gawked along with her companions as the Marquee screensaver activated. The five Outworlders did not understand what was happening, of course, and assumed that the writing zipping across the screen was the answer to their question.

"What doesss it sssay?" Reptile asked almost hesitantly.

Ermac's glowing green eyes squinted, trying to keep up with the speedy marquee.

"It says...'Fatality'?"

And so it did. Apparently, Shao Kahn had programmed his screensaver to repeat the deadly word over and over. The effect of the blood-red lettering against the black background was far from comforting (as it was undoubtedly intended to be) and, disturbed by what seemed a sinister prophecy, Mileena reacted in the best way she knew how: she kicked the monitor with the flat of her heel. The force of the blow had the poor contraption skidding towards the end of the desk, and it was only the reflexes of a swift Reptile belly-flopping onto the table itself and seizing the monitor before it fell that saved every one of them from certain death. They all went limp with a collective sigh of relief.

"That was far too close for comfort," Rain muttered as soon as he had recovered. Turning to Mileena irritably, he raised a hand as if to strike her. "Fool! You could have killed us!"

Mileena was never one to cower beneath a threat made by an equal and bared her teeth aggressively at the ninja. Baraka's sudden entrance between her and Rain were all that kept her from using her sai against him, an action that she may have regretted later.

The long metal blades embedded deep within Baraka's forearms, a trademark feature of his race, were now fully extended and crossed as a form of barrier against Rain.

"Watch your tone when speaking to the Master's daughter!" he snapped.

Rain lowered his hand with a snort and took a single step back. Though it hurt his pride, the Tarkata was not someone he wanted to get into an altercation with while in such close quarters, and something so trivial as dignity had never stopped him from backing down when he knew it was best.

"Perhaps the _Master's_ daughter should watch herself!" he grumbled.

Baraka gnashed his teeth, but didn't try to pursue the subject; he retracted his blades with a metallic _shing_.

Ermac and Reptile, meanwhile, had wisely chosen to ignore the squabbling of their peers in favor of focusing their attentions on the health of the computer. All they could think of to do to be sure it was all right was click and type on it frantically.

"It was not so hard a kick," Ermac reasoned, his calm tone belying his anxiety. "It shouldn't have done much damage."

Reptile was not so disposed.

"Not hard? Are you _blind_? I have ssseen her impale mortalsss with that kick!" he fretted.

Shao Kahn's computer proved to be made of tougher fibers than Mileena's unfortunate victims, luckily, and it promptly responded when the wandering cursor happened to click on the "Return to Desktop" tab, revealing the Emperor's less than soothing wallpaper. Ermac and Reptile took a simultaneous step away from the image of a massacre so suddenly thrust in front of them, both uncaring that they bumped into Baraka in the process. The Tarkata turned around furiously, his high-strung nerves prepared for war, but froze upon sight of the gruesome picture.

"What is that?" his gruff question brought the attention of the room to the computer.

Reptile's tongue fluttered.

"I do not know."

As accustomed to violence as they were, none were spared the disconcerting feeling of seeing such gore painted on their master's mysterious box so soon after the foreboding "Fatality" message; they turned their backs to it in unison to deliberate.

"Do you suppose this _thing_ has the power to see into the future?" Baraka asked of no one in particular, the natural metal of his blades humming faintly in his distress.

Rain made a derisive sound at this, although he, too, seemed somewhat unsettled.

"Bah! If it possessed the Sight, then Kahn would not have been defeated so sorely these past years. It is merely a trick of the box, trying to frighten us away."

They glanced back at the computer, sitting so calmly on the massive desk as if it had no idea what carnage it was displaying. The wallpaper's image must have been recent; they fancied they recognized a few of the victims.

Ermac's bushy eyebrows twitched in mild interest.

"How odd. That battered corpse in the corner appears to have three ribcages. Have you ever seen such a thing?"

The red ninja's monotonous voice, much like his habit of saying "Us" or "We" rather than "I" or "Me", was a dead giveaway to the fact that he was not what he appeared to be. He was a creation of magic, the result of the fusion of the souls of vanquished warriors, and his one throat consequently contained their many voices. When spoken softly and without malice, as he was doing in his wonder that any one body could have five legs or three arms, this multi-voice had a most peculiar calming effect. Thus aided in shaking their moment of superstition, his four accomplices determinedly re-approached the device they were fast starting to detest.

"Yes, I have seen it," Mileena dropped herself into the stone chair carelessly, annoyed at her fear. "But not all belonged to the creature they inhabited."

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**QueenGhid:** And there, after all this time, is chapter two. I apologize for the lengthy wait; I had actually had this all written up soon after publishing the first chapter, but a computer virus wiped the file out before I could publish it, along with a few others and my will to write. In the long-run it may have actually been for the best; I happen to like how it turned out better this time around. Anyway, reviews are always appreciated, so long as criticism is either constructive or at the very least tasteful. Thanks for reading, and, please, stay tuned! 


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